The Plight of being a Hijabi, Colored sisters in Colored hijabs
So, I wore my hijab for about 100 years! sorry, 4 years consistently before I decided to stop. And it was good when I did, it was freeing, exuberating joy, and I was glad. It wasn't that I was forced to wear the hijab like many other hijabi counterparts that I met and had few talks and arguments with. As I would often get enormous questions like, "did they made you wear the hijab?" and I reportedly say no every single time.
See, there is some kind of joy and pain to be religiously expressive in the western part of the world. I mean the histories and relationships that the Arab Muslims have with the Caucasians or the non-muslims have somehow permanently damaged the views and opinions of the Muslims in the public. One just has to know about the 911 and you have to know where you are in the society, your place, which often times it is nowhere.
But anyways,
In junior high as well a high school until grade 11, I had enjoyed wearing the hijab, you at first, I followed the normal routine I would when I was in Nigeria- which was- I would only wear it in school as I had attended a Muslim Private school, and once the school is over I would take it off. In another tone, I would only wear it where the environment requires it, and that was fine by me and standards. I should say, it was rather fun to wear the hijab where I had came from (Southwest) because there was no obligation from my father to wear it, nor from my mother that I had to- which when I hear about the sisters that I had met in the west, I empathized with the freedom that they crave- but I also do love the passion and resiliency to wear the hijab even at the face of adversity. And so I tried, and I was adamant, and I wore the hijab for four years before I finally open my hair and braid my hair.
Although, there wasn't any obligations on my neck to wear the hijab in Nigeria (Southwest), although, if you meet the religious clerics, they would have a few points and lectures to tell you- you just take many a seat and listen- if you, however, wind up in their narrations of what the hijab is to a woman, then, I would say you should also have as many definitions of what the hijab means to you. I am a strong advocate of women sense of the freedom, the free mentality, I was brought up to think this way, in fact, I was brought up to act courageously, to stand by myself and cater for myself, and it doesn't start with the piece of cloth that I wore on my head.
I have often heard that you might do something because you love someone, and you know I would beg to differ.
I don't wear the western rhetorics of what the hijab as an oppressive item, and that was because I hadn't taken for granted the times that I had had to wear the hijab. It was a lovely thing to do, and I must say that my faith had increased because of it. You only need to look at few Asians and Arab women that do and often I empathized with their plights, their struggles and how they can easily be a target of discriminations and labeling such as terrorism.
It took a lot of readings and researches to finally understand the terrorism aspects and where the ideas and warfares came from, and I was dumbfounded, I have never thought that Islam can be such or perceived as a negative thing, I mean, I had live blissfully under my roof, proudly saying that I am a Muslim.
If you, however, go to the northern Nigerian, the rhetorics might be familiar with western society.
It was the differences I saw between myself and the group that I associate with that made me internalized what I get from wearing the hijab. As I mentioned earlier, the faith boost is amazing, praying five times a day, fasting every once in a while, having that constant reminder that good influence was a positive thing that I had gained from extending my roots and seeking some influences, importance or purpose.
So being in a black Muslim sister in a Western environment brings another kind of plight. Apart from the fact that I am a visible minority, and religion is also not popular unless the media decided to give a close-up view of what Islam is about, and then I am a female. An individual so vulnerable, so easily dejected, framed and cropped into the media or the majority point of view. So putting the hijab on doesn't just cause a barrier to expanding myself, but I would often feel out of place, out of touch as I became aware of the differences I am made aware of rather than the similarities.
COLORISM
Although, a part of my household would say that I am a bit fair than them, but in all honesty, I am actually dark.
There is this unforeseen hierarchy deep within the community that is more negative and toxic- my sister advise against it. Sometimes, it starts with greetings, the common Salam Alaikum, and who should say it first to the other when walking along the hallway, who says hi first? You can get an eye me down at times, a bit of quick remarks and the fact that you have to work two or three times as hard to level up sickens me. So times you achievements are approved by these very people that I hope you are not trying to impress, and sometimes it doesn't pay off at all no matter the amount of effort put in. Who welcome who, the black one or the fairer one.
I had missed home during these times, the joy of the sisterhood absolutely gone, but the interest to wear the hijab was there, and visible. The trend nowadays among the black sisters are turbans, as it fits, you can add more sparkles, warp it this way and that to make it look fabulous, have a little of your baby hair out, and you look outstanding.
I had one Libyan friend that I walked with, we were friends from high school till the university. And it must be that I paid little to no attention to African map as her country become the fourth country after Morrocco that I know are in Africa, I mean-
One time I had gotten into an argument with her on if she considered herself as an African, practically if she identified as a black person. Usually, I would be cautious of what I say around her and this is not because I don't have her trust but, at what time I would still be overly protective of what I say, not wanting to cause a hindrance or some kinds of racial debates- they are the ugliest.
Her answer, of course, she does. I was, however, going to press her further, but I stopped, and ever since then I wonder about the Northern part of Africa.
After moving around the lovely sisters for more than ten years, I think it is time to address my observations. They are as lovely as my friends back home, playful, though I don't stay around too long, fun if you go into their parties and all, smart, with all their flowing blouses, scarfs, dresses or pants and what other wares they wear. But I was however disappointed by the lack of meaningful alliances that could not be sustained, the overarching subordinations, even the feeling that I might not be as well percieved and approved shooked me. At times, I would leave events I can no longer stay in as I find myself alone, and aloof, and you know I am a social and an extrovert person until recently. You should know I crave the friendships that I lost after moving here, I mean I was so engrossed on schools and getting ahead that I hadn't anytime for anything more than graduating after so many setbacks that I encountered. The competitions are high just as well as the stakes stacked against oneself and one just has to go on with life.
So I have craved the sensed of belonging, the total ideas, and routine of life that I had lost. I had craved friendships but was met with outright confusions and negativities, I had craved love and acceptance but was met with illusions and disorientation. The upcoming lessons are that this is the life presented, and so make the best of it with the little time give to you. It is like being in business presentations or contest- give me your pitch, show it to me in the 30s you are given. And that 30s decide your preparedness, your triumphs, and failures
NEGATIONS
Don't let any debilitating thoughts, no matter how small takes away from what your normal state usually is. Don't let the negativities from others who don't see you or think the best for you to determine your state of mind.
A lot of negations are internalized, and mostly it is because we don't have tools to combat that, eg social support such as friends, councilors, some people might not want to go the professional ways but public, write a blog like I do, write something, share it with who would or would not read it, share it with friends. Another tool, social media can be used to promote positivity within oneself, and that too must be handled with care
PLIGHTS
And so the plight of not been accepted, not be associated with despite all the tries goes on. And so these are the plights I faced as a black hijabi. It is amazing and hurtful to feel dislocated, the intense feeling of disconnections with all the effort of staying or associating in a way that people to relate to you and vice versa. And so for all other colored girls in colored hijabs wanting to fit in, the enormous wails of desires kept, conversations that go on in our heads- the feelings to belong must be embraced. must be called upon. Sometimes, it does take a little extra, people that understand us and would stand with us, at our level, and in proportions and domains encounter that wants to divide us.
And these plight increases day in day out, covering heads for modesty, or observations and just sitting on a chair in a mosque or masjid on a Friday day, waiting for the call to prayers and watching, observing, who walks by, who smiled, who said salam, what they are wearing, who came for a hug, who notice you are sitting here not just waiting for a prayer, maybe to be accompanied, or to be sat with. "Like, let chat and shut the Imam up!" but that wouldn't be right. And so with that I sat, and watch, observe. It is a humane thing to do.
See, there is some kind of joy and pain to be religiously expressive in the western part of the world. I mean the histories and relationships that the Arab Muslims have with the Caucasians or the non-muslims have somehow permanently damaged the views and opinions of the Muslims in the public. One just has to know about the 911 and you have to know where you are in the society, your place, which often times it is nowhere.
But anyways,
In junior high as well a high school until grade 11, I had enjoyed wearing the hijab, you at first, I followed the normal routine I would when I was in Nigeria- which was- I would only wear it in school as I had attended a Muslim Private school, and once the school is over I would take it off. In another tone, I would only wear it where the environment requires it, and that was fine by me and standards. I should say, it was rather fun to wear the hijab where I had came from (Southwest) because there was no obligation from my father to wear it, nor from my mother that I had to- which when I hear about the sisters that I had met in the west, I empathized with the freedom that they crave- but I also do love the passion and resiliency to wear the hijab even at the face of adversity. And so I tried, and I was adamant, and I wore the hijab for four years before I finally open my hair and braid my hair.
Although, there wasn't any obligations on my neck to wear the hijab in Nigeria (Southwest), although, if you meet the religious clerics, they would have a few points and lectures to tell you- you just take many a seat and listen- if you, however, wind up in their narrations of what the hijab is to a woman, then, I would say you should also have as many definitions of what the hijab means to you. I am a strong advocate of women sense of the freedom, the free mentality, I was brought up to think this way, in fact, I was brought up to act courageously, to stand by myself and cater for myself, and it doesn't start with the piece of cloth that I wore on my head.
I have often heard that you might do something because you love someone, and you know I would beg to differ.
I don't wear the western rhetorics of what the hijab as an oppressive item, and that was because I hadn't taken for granted the times that I had had to wear the hijab. It was a lovely thing to do, and I must say that my faith had increased because of it. You only need to look at few Asians and Arab women that do and often I empathized with their plights, their struggles and how they can easily be a target of discriminations and labeling such as terrorism.
It took a lot of readings and researches to finally understand the terrorism aspects and where the ideas and warfares came from, and I was dumbfounded, I have never thought that Islam can be such or perceived as a negative thing, I mean, I had live blissfully under my roof, proudly saying that I am a Muslim.
If you, however, go to the northern Nigerian, the rhetorics might be familiar with western society.
It was the differences I saw between myself and the group that I associate with that made me internalized what I get from wearing the hijab. As I mentioned earlier, the faith boost is amazing, praying five times a day, fasting every once in a while, having that constant reminder that good influence was a positive thing that I had gained from extending my roots and seeking some influences, importance or purpose.
So being in a black Muslim sister in a Western environment brings another kind of plight. Apart from the fact that I am a visible minority, and religion is also not popular unless the media decided to give a close-up view of what Islam is about, and then I am a female. An individual so vulnerable, so easily dejected, framed and cropped into the media or the majority point of view. So putting the hijab on doesn't just cause a barrier to expanding myself, but I would often feel out of place, out of touch as I became aware of the differences I am made aware of rather than the similarities.
COLORISM
Although, a part of my household would say that I am a bit fair than them, but in all honesty, I am actually dark.
There is this unforeseen hierarchy deep within the community that is more negative and toxic- my sister advise against it. Sometimes, it starts with greetings, the common Salam Alaikum, and who should say it first to the other when walking along the hallway, who says hi first? You can get an eye me down at times, a bit of quick remarks and the fact that you have to work two or three times as hard to level up sickens me. So times you achievements are approved by these very people that I hope you are not trying to impress, and sometimes it doesn't pay off at all no matter the amount of effort put in. Who welcome who, the black one or the fairer one.
I had missed home during these times, the joy of the sisterhood absolutely gone, but the interest to wear the hijab was there, and visible. The trend nowadays among the black sisters are turbans, as it fits, you can add more sparkles, warp it this way and that to make it look fabulous, have a little of your baby hair out, and you look outstanding.
I had one Libyan friend that I walked with, we were friends from high school till the university. And it must be that I paid little to no attention to African map as her country become the fourth country after Morrocco that I know are in Africa, I mean-
One time I had gotten into an argument with her on if she considered herself as an African, practically if she identified as a black person. Usually, I would be cautious of what I say around her and this is not because I don't have her trust but, at what time I would still be overly protective of what I say, not wanting to cause a hindrance or some kinds of racial debates- they are the ugliest.
Her answer, of course, she does. I was, however, going to press her further, but I stopped, and ever since then I wonder about the Northern part of Africa.
After moving around the lovely sisters for more than ten years, I think it is time to address my observations. They are as lovely as my friends back home, playful, though I don't stay around too long, fun if you go into their parties and all, smart, with all their flowing blouses, scarfs, dresses or pants and what other wares they wear. But I was however disappointed by the lack of meaningful alliances that could not be sustained, the overarching subordinations, even the feeling that I might not be as well percieved and approved shooked me. At times, I would leave events I can no longer stay in as I find myself alone, and aloof, and you know I am a social and an extrovert person until recently. You should know I crave the friendships that I lost after moving here, I mean I was so engrossed on schools and getting ahead that I hadn't anytime for anything more than graduating after so many setbacks that I encountered. The competitions are high just as well as the stakes stacked against oneself and one just has to go on with life.
So I have craved the sensed of belonging, the total ideas, and routine of life that I had lost. I had craved friendships but was met with outright confusions and negativities, I had craved love and acceptance but was met with illusions and disorientation. The upcoming lessons are that this is the life presented, and so make the best of it with the little time give to you. It is like being in business presentations or contest- give me your pitch, show it to me in the 30s you are given. And that 30s decide your preparedness, your triumphs, and failures
NEGATIONS
Don't let any debilitating thoughts, no matter how small takes away from what your normal state usually is. Don't let the negativities from others who don't see you or think the best for you to determine your state of mind.
A lot of negations are internalized, and mostly it is because we don't have tools to combat that, eg social support such as friends, councilors, some people might not want to go the professional ways but public, write a blog like I do, write something, share it with who would or would not read it, share it with friends. Another tool, social media can be used to promote positivity within oneself, and that too must be handled with care
PLIGHTS
And so the plight of not been accepted, not be associated with despite all the tries goes on. And so these are the plights I faced as a black hijabi. It is amazing and hurtful to feel dislocated, the intense feeling of disconnections with all the effort of staying or associating in a way that people to relate to you and vice versa. And so for all other colored girls in colored hijabs wanting to fit in, the enormous wails of desires kept, conversations that go on in our heads- the feelings to belong must be embraced. must be called upon. Sometimes, it does take a little extra, people that understand us and would stand with us, at our level, and in proportions and domains encounter that wants to divide us.
And these plight increases day in day out, covering heads for modesty, or observations and just sitting on a chair in a mosque or masjid on a Friday day, waiting for the call to prayers and watching, observing, who walks by, who smiled, who said salam, what they are wearing, who came for a hug, who notice you are sitting here not just waiting for a prayer, maybe to be accompanied, or to be sat with. "Like, let chat and shut the Imam up!" but that wouldn't be right. And so with that I sat, and watch, observe. It is a humane thing to do.
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